Illewen waits
24th February 1103
The sound of her sister’s chattering a dull hum in her ears, Illewen stared at the woman in the mirror. She could scarcely recognise her. She was swathed in fine silk, the material hanging awkwardly from her frail shoulders, her hair braided and tied with shiny ribbons. The face was pale and haggard, the brown eyes dull with deeply ingrained hollows beneath.
Hadn’t there once been a sparkle in those eyes? Her husband had always told her so.
The day had been chill and grey, a frigid wind blowing up beneath her skirts, curling around her legs, teasing them apart. The ribbons in her hair were grey too, intricately twined amongst the thick brown strands of hair that he had so loved to wind in his calloused fingers.
“Land sakes Wenny, I think yer in for a time tonight. That Kelgar, he sure is a catch if I do say so myself,” her younger sister Tirsey drawled.
“Tirse! Don’t be so crass! Maybe Wen doesn’t want to think about that right now. You’re probably making her nervous,” Maela shushed.
“But come on now Wenny, yew must be a little excited. I certainly wouldn’t mind to be in yer place,” she winked saucily, “though I suppose poor old Kel would.”
“Tirse!”
“What?! I’m just sayin’ like it is. Wenny’s gone an married one fine looking man is all.”
“You’re probably making her nervous. Are you nervous Wen?”
“No, I’m fine,” Illewen murmured.
She was nothing. Empty. Drained. Was it really possible to be nervous when all that was left was scraped away. She felt nothing.
“Let me take your hair down Wen,” Maela said softly.
Her hair braided and full of shiny, shiny ribbons. She had married Vance on a warm, summer day, her hair flowing down around her shoulders, a wreath of tiny white flowers tangled in the strands. Her dress had been plain, and they had feasted outside under the stars, the bonfire burning bright, his green eyes never leaving her.
Tonight the blizzard had roared around the ship where the King had been kind enough to let them celebrate in the old throne room. Kelgar’s grey eyes had wandered around the gathered people, occasionally meeting hers with a nervous smile. She had noticed him picking at the buttons of his tunic under the table with trembling, sweaty hands until one fell off and rolled under the table and he blushed bright red.
“There now, let’s help you with your dress love, Tirsey honey, can you get the front.”
Her sister’s hands darted nimbly untying the complicated laces that threaded along the front of her corset. She felt the dress loosening, unwrapping and slipping away. All that would be left was the body. She lifted her arms obediently as Maela dragged her shift over her shivering arms.
The room was cold, but her skin was hot and clammy, tiny beads of sweat cooling in the chill air.
“There now, all done,” Maela cried, she gently rubbed Illewen’s arm, “you’re not cold are you.”
“Don’t yew look as pretty as a peach, that Kelgar is just going to eat yew up he is,” Tirsey snickered, blushing a fetching pink.
Illewen couldn’t even smile, the dragging weight at her lips was too great. How different it had been on her first wedding night, the three of them flushed from wine and giggling as they stumbled around the room, unwinding laces and plucking flowers from her hair. Then she had been nervous, but excited too as she awaited the arrival of her handsome husband.
She carefully pulled back the clean covers, though the gleaming whiteness was no longer important. There would only be blood tonight if her new husband treated her roughly. She didn’t think she cared if he did. Perhaps then she would feel something even if it were only pain.
She sent a furtive glance over to the cradle which was strangely empty. She felt the lack of Matilda’s presence keenly. The little girl was the only tangible thing that Vance had left her with, her deep green eyes a memory of happier times.
She had lain in a wedding bed like this before, waiting for Vance, the scratchy linen brushing erotically against her nipples so they grew frighteningly hard. It had felt so odd then to lie naked beneath the sheet separated from the forbidden world of men by only a thin piece of material. Now she was just tired, waiting for the whole thing to be over so she could let sleep drag her down again into his suffocating embrace.
Her sisters stood at the foot of the bed, all well-wishes and smiles.
“Yew have a good time now Wenny an I want to hear all about it in the morning. Every last detail, yew hear,” Tirsey cried waving her arms flamboyantly, “every one.”
“Sleep well my love. It will all be fine,” Maela added softly, “You’ll see. Things will be better now.”
And then they were gone and Illewen was left alone in the half empty bed, with the empty cradle beside her. When Vance had entered the room she had pretended to be asleep so the stumbling men would not jeer at her as much, but she knew her blush had given her away. When they had finally left Vance had crawled in beside her, his touch warm and furtive, his gaze hot as coals.
She would not feign sleep now. The men knew she had seen a man’s naked body before so why pretend. She would watch as they undressed her husband, the new body she must adapt to. He would climb under the covers and she would let him inside her. But she would never be whole again.
I hope that wasn’t too dire. I wasn’t expecting it to be SO hard to get into Illewen’s head but it really was. She is just so broken. I found her very difficult to write. I haven’t had the experiences she has thank goodness so I can only imagine how terrible that would feel. She was so clamped up within herself even I, the writer could barely get access to her.
Also, if anyone was confused the Kel that Tirsey mentioned was not a short name for Kelgar, her husband’s name is Kel, Kel Ketterbray (don’t you just love the sound of that name?).
Woah. Her sisters really have no idea, do they? You’d think that trademark sad stare of hers would give them a hint, really…
I think you did a good job with Illewen’s POV here. She does seem like a difficult character to write, but you pulled it off
I’m kind of surprised that she and Kelgar actually went through with it, to be honest. I was half-expecting that something would happen to cause Illewen to call it off. It doesn’t seem like either of them is too happy at the moment, but… eh, maybe they’ll grow on each other. Or maybe they’ll have some sort of arrangement where they’re allowed to cheat or something. Not that I imagine Illewen would, but I’m not sure she’d care if Kelgar did.
And yes, Kel Ketterbray may just be the most awesome name ever
This makes me so sad! Poor Illewen. I’m also sad that they actually went through with it. I understand the reasoning, but still. It’s just a whole load of unhappiness all around. Kelgar thinks he’s helping and in a way, he is… but Illewen isn’t ever going to be the same again. Poor girl.
Illewen’s sisters weren’t being as heartless as it may seem Van. They can see that Illewen is a wreck but they don’t really know what to do about that. They have tiptoed around her for months and still no change so they are trying to be cheerful and encouraging to remind her that getting married is supposed to be a happy occasion. There was no concept of therapy in those days unfortunately. Maela is a bit more sensitive, Tirsey is rather young and rather silly, and her comments weren’t particularly well placed. But she does see that her sister is hurting. She is just dealing with it the only way she knows how. By the method of distraction. It is obviously not working though.
I don’t think either of them are particularly happy. Kelgar is hopeful but terrified about the whole thing. But I think this is realistic for the times. Not everyone was happy with their marriages, people tended to marry out of necessity more than anything else, particularly in their class. I think it is going to be interesting to see what happens here now. I have a lot of ideas as to where to take this.
In case anyone is keen Lochan’s character profile is now up. These CPs are in a rather cheesy tone (it seems I am bad at writing history
but I think it is nice to have them there.
Looking over the character profiles again, I noticed that Eallair’s mom is from Lomorrad. Would this make Eallair and Madlenka first cousins? Not that it really makes a difference, given the time period.
Heheh… good luck finding non-cheesy character profiles
Yours are quite well-written as far as CPs go 
You forced me to do a bit of family tree tracing Van, since I hadn’t thought that far back about the characters ancestry. I did know that Madlenka and Eallair were somewhat related though. Ailish is part of the Royal family of Lomorrad, but she is not Brosul’s sister. To continue to bind the two allied nations together Kendrick wanted to marry from the Lomorrad Royal Family. Brosul had no sisters and Ailish caught his eye so…
Basically the family ties go like this. Ailish’s (Eallair’s mother) mother was the sister of Brosul’s father, the King of Lomorrad. This means that Eallair’s great-grandmother is Madlenka’s great-aunt. Making them second cousins. So they are quite closely related in fact.
The intermarriage laws in my world aren’t as strict as the canon law of medieval times or even civic law. But I don’t think there is as much risk of birth defects as with first cousins so let’s keep our fingers crossed for them.
Yeah, their kids should be okay (plus Sims doesn’t have a concept of birth defects anyway, as far as I know).
You know, I never thought the intermarriage laws of the medieval times were as strict as they actually were. I always thought it was just pretty much “You can’t bang your sibling, but your cousin is fair game” until Lothere wrote that post on consanguinity. Needless to say, my own upper class is rather scandalously inbred
I too had a moment of thinking “Geez can’t her sister’s detect anything is wrong?” but just then Maela said “Things will be better now.” So I realize they realize — at least Maela does. But I can see how that would be very awkward for everyone.
Especially in a time when people didn’t expect to marry for love anyway. Her sisters are just trying to help her look on the bright side.
I’m glad you went through with it, Verity. (Or had them go through with it.) A last-minute “We don’t really want to do this” would have been less realistic and somehow less satisfying I think. Because we got Arran Barran (whose name still beats Kel Ketterbray) and Igrayne happily paired off, it’s fitting that these two end up the way they do. But it looks like Kelgar is going to have a hard time settling into a life of monogamy if that’s what he has planned. It doesn’t seem like Illewen is going to be a very fulfilling sex partner.
That would be just awful, being obliged to marry a man you don’t love when you’re still in love with your first husband.
It doesn’t seem like she has finished grieving at all. It makes me want to write a storyline like that. I think the closest I have come was Cenwulf with Edris, and that was from a man’s perspective. Now who can I kill…
I right now drinking a nice Arran single malt whisky
we went to the Isle of Arran when we were in Scotland. I really love that name. I have almost convinced the boy that if we have a son one day we will call him Arran. He wants to call a daughter called Isobel though (different spelling… but still… creeps me out).
I am glad I went through with it too. I still need to put up the storylines but if you go back and read Kelgar since Vance died he has been kind of weird. The whole Lyiss thing was fading into the background anyway. This is what he wanted but at the same time it really, really isn’t. It is going to be interesting to write what happens next.
So glad we have Arran and Igrayne at least though. I write too much sad.