12th January 1103

Gena had sent her down to the beach. A blanket of stark white covered the yellowed crystals of sand, the canvas of the beach with its ripple marks and crab holes painted over with a thick, dripping, white brush. She could feel the ice crunching beneath her timid feet, thousands of icy crystals welding together with the pressure of footsteps and beneath them the grinding sand.

He was here, staring out at the drifting ice floes as they migrated slowly in the churning current. Near to the shore they had stuck fast to the beach, great chunks of ice filled with silvery bubbles, frozen in place as they swirled and danced. She knew him by his stance, the worried slump of his shoulders, the curve of his spine, his unruly hair with small, white flakes of snow tangled up in it.

She took a deep breath and walked to stand beside him, the snow squeaking softly beneath her booted feet.

“Hello Arran,” she murmured, her heart in her mouth.

“Igrayne,” he nodded, crossing his arms over his chest as though he were forming a protective barrier for his own hurting heart.

She turned to him and he followed suit, uncrossing his arms and laying them stiffly beside his body. He stood, straight as a board now, his chest slightly puffed out as though accepting his fate and readying himself for the wounding blow.

“Arran, there’s something I need to be saying to you. I… I wanted to apologise for the things I said to you that day at the church.”

Arran stared at her, his swampy eyes narrowed.

“I was cruel and I hurt you. And I’m that sorry for it.”

She meant to continue but Arran interjected, “No, I won’t be listening to yew anymore. I thought yew were being different but yer just the same as always. Only want to laugh at me and hurt me. Well I won’t stand fer it Igrayne I simply won’t.”

She had never seen him so angry. All the times she had teased him or been cruel, all the times she had whispered and laughed he had only bowed his head and taken it as wave after wave of poison flowed from her stupid mouth. What had she expected? He had offered her his heart and she had stomped on it with her tiny, booted foot. For all she knew she had shattered it on that icy afternoon.

“Arran,” she squeaked, her heart creaking inside her chest, like the ice floes trying to break free from the rocks.

“No, don’t yew even try it. I won’t be fooled by yew again. I won’t,” his mouth was set in a hard line, his stiff arms on his hips as he stared at her defiantly.

“I know what yew mean to be doing. Yer trying to win back my trust so yew can just go and do it again. I know yer type and I’m done with yew. Yew hear me. I’m done. We’re not friends anymore. We’re nothing. So yew go an’ laugh with yer little red-haired friend about that if yew want but that’s the last yew hear me.”

Her heart cracked and broke loose, floating alone out into the frigid ocean where it would finally melt into nothingness. It was so empty and cold out there, fathoms of deep water beneath and her spluttering, waterlogged heart drowning while silver fish nibbled at its meaty mass.

“Oh Arran, I’m so sorry,” she cried miserably and the tears came pouring out.

They splashed hot and salty over her freezing cheeks, stinging as they evaporated in the chill air. She covered her face in shame but she could not stop them, slipping, dripping, sliding down her face one after another, leaving tiny sizzling holes in the snow at her feet.

She had ruined everything. She had laughed at him one too many times and now he would never, never forgive her. What right had she to even ask it?

“Igrayne?” she heard his confused voice between her racking sobs.

“Is this part of the joke?” he asked, but he sounded dubious.

She wept all the harder, her entire body shaking uncontrollably. She was entirely miserable, humiliated and all she wanted to do was run but she was so caught up in sobbing that she couldn’t do anything but cry until her eyes hurt.

“Igrayne?”

She heard the squeak of his shoes on the snow as he tiptoed beside her.

“What’s all this about then? Has something happened?”

Oh he didn’t understand at all.

“I… oh…,” she gulped and hiccuped between sobs, “There was Illewen… and the… baby. Thought… they needed… a husband.”

She swallowed, tears running thickly down her throat, dripping over her soggy heart, “I wanted you. But… she needed you. And so…”

“And now… Kelgar asked her to marry him. I thought…”

“Yew thought I might forgive yew fer bein’ cruel,” Arran said softly and she felt his warm arms wrapping around her trembling body, pulling her close against him.

“I did it for them Arran. Lord knows I… I didn’t want to. Oh… I’m so unhappy.”

“You poor little’ mite. Here I was bein’ that mean to yew an’ yew were just tryin’ to do the right thing,” she felt his chuckle, warm against her arm, “ didn’t yew think maybe I should get some say in the matter?”

“I’m so sorry Arran,” she shivered.

“Come on now Igrayne, yew know I can’t stay mad at yew. Now stop this cryin’ let me see yew.”

“No, you can’t! I must look simply dreadful.”

He pried her hands gently away from her tear-streaked face and tilted it up towards him with a careful hand.

“Well, yer nose is a bit red,” he laughed, his smile warm as he gazed at her “but yer still beautiful.”

And then he kissed her and it was the dearest, sweetest moment of her life.

Barran, Uncategorized