Radomir crushes a bird
2nd January 1103
Valeriya perched unsteadily on the chair they had offered her. She felt tired and weak but at least her head was clear. Everything had been fuzzy and dull for such a long time. The air in the throne room was chill, but it was refreshingly crisp on her sweaty skin. How long had she lain in that room? They had told her it had been nigh on a year. A year. She had gone in there on a snowy morning and it had been long enough for the icy winter to melt, the seasons to march ever onwards, changing the world from white to green to gold. Now everything was white again. She had hazy memories of the colours and she knew she had not been only in the room. There had been trips outside. But all she could remember was the dark brown of the planks of wood, woven together to form a prison for her, a cage.
“Are you alright Valeriya love?” Radomir asked softly, “maybe you shouldn’t be up.”
She gazed at him. The lines of his craggy face were drawn into an expression of concern, his thick brack brows creasing. His hands were reaching out towards her, as though he wished to hold her, clutch at her. She did not know this compassionate face he wore. He had only ever shown her rage and contempt, his lips curled up into a snarl or a sneer, never drooping and trembling like this. She did not know him.
“Please Your Ladyship,” the Duke was saying, “you required an audience with the King. What have you got to tell us?”
“Be gentle with her Lochan,” the man who was her husband was saying, “she has had a tough time.”
She knew what she had to do. She cleared her throat and began, “I have been told by my lady maid of a crime committed against me. I have been told that the man who is supposed to have committed this crime is to be punished for it.”
She glanced over at Radomir, leaning forward on the edge of his chair, his entire body straining towards her, his grey eyes full of sorrow and guilt.
She turned her eyes to the King, “I am here to tell you that there was no crime committed by the Priest.”
“What are you saying Countess?” the Queen asked softly, her eyes wide.
“I am telling you that there was no crime committed. Yes, Father Harndall is the father of my baby. That much is clear to anyone who looks upon her.”
The atmosphere in the hall was like an indrawn breath, holding for long seconds. The lack of oxygen was stifling.
“But it was not without my consent.”
“No,” she heard the man, her husband’s sharp intake of breath.
She dared to peek up at him. She wished she hadn’t. For some reason she had not imagined this, the look of utter betrayal on his face. His teeth were firmly champed around his bottom lip and she could see the beginning of a trickle of blood there, so hard were they biting down. This was a face she knew. She had seen it once before but only after he had beaten his child out of her with his meaty fists.
“Valeriya, you didn’t… did you?” it was a whispered plea, a final denial.
She had to be strong. For him. For the Priest.
“I did. The crime committed was mine and it was the crime of adultery”.
He stumbled out of his chair, staggering towards her. His hands were outstretched, fumbling like a blind man. He collided with her, his heavy body knocking into her unsteady one, so that she had to spread her feet wide to stop from falling.
“Valeriya no, it isn’t true,” he sobbed, his brawny hand finding her waist where it lay heavy and unpleasantly warm.
He pressed his face against her neck and she felt the sudden warmth of wet tears on her cool skin. His breath was hot and rapid, the pant of a hungry dog the heat of it sticking the feathers of her collar down against her flesh.
His heard jerked up and he pulled her towards him, towards his hulking body. The strong metallic smell of his sweat was in her nostrils, the heady warmth of his body making her dizzy. She froze, terrified by his proximity. He tried to look her in the eyes but she would not meet his, could not meet them.
“Don’t you love me?” he murmured pitifully.
She did not answer him.
“Of course you do, of course you do silly,” he pulled her roughly towards him, so that the entire length of his sweltering body was pressed against hers. Her large breasts were crushed uncomfortably between them as he held her tightly to his muscular chest. Her heart was thrumming like a panicked bird as his crude hands squeezed her fragile body.
She felt dizzy, trying to gulp in air that was slowly being expressed from her lungs. With every breath out he would only hold her tighter so that when she gasped again there was no more space to fill. She felt her slender bones creaking with the force of his embrace. Her body hung weightless in his arms like a sparrow soaring high above the ground, gliding motionless in an updraft.
She beat feebly at him with her flapping hands but he only held on tighter. The room was starting to waver again, darkness pressing in on her from all sides, the sounds growing dull with the roaring in her ears. She didn’t want to go, to descend into that nothingness again and a guttural cry rent from her silken throat.
“Let her go Radomir,” she heard the faint sound of men’s voices and there was an unpleasant tugging sensation on her arms.
“Christ Radomir! Your hurting her. Get off her.”
Suddenly she was ripped from his grasp, floundering in the frigid air, gasping for breath. She felt herself tumbling towards the ground, careening through the air but before she could fall a pair of strong arms caught her. She dragged heavily on them, her knees collapsing from under her but they did not release her. She was not frightened because the arms held her gently but firmly so she knew she would not fall.
She heard a ragged sobbing, and she turned feebly to see her husband struggling in Sir Arwaduhn’s strong grip.
“Enough of this, all of you,” the King intoned, “it seems that the need for this trial has disappeared. The Priest has committed no crime, except that against the church which will need to be assessed. Mistress Ylder, I think you should take the Countess back to her chamber and make sure she is not injured.”
“Sir Arwaduhn, will you be sure the Earl does not follow her. I do not want you to see her for a time Radomir. And you are to stay away from the Priest. If I hear of anything different you will have to face my wrath. I am sorry for you Radomir. But for now it is for the best.”
Her husband was hunched over and gave no indication that he had heard.
“That is all. You may go.”
Yee, new chapter so soon~
OMG. What – just – happened?
First, Valeriya was so sensible and strong that I was almost shocked. There’s truly hidden potential in her. Second, what was that confession? Harndall said ‘he didn’t do it’, so did he mean he didn’t rape her? (which sounds weird.. ;D) Or is Valeriya only saving her favourite priest? :3 Third – Radomir frightens me.
‘“Don’t you love me?” he murmured pitifully.’
This was so tragicomic moment in my mind.
Poor Radomir. Everyone&everything kick him.
And now waiting for ugly backwash.
I’m not sure I answered very many questions with this chapter and we are going to take a break from this for a bit of Kelgar action. It will make sense later I promise (or at least I hope
. When Harndall said he didn’t do it he meant he didn’t do it, any of it.
Poor Radomir. Man I feel like I treat that guy badly. My flattest character to start with has become my most multi-dimensional. He was really flipping out here.
First of all, thank you Verity for updating so soon! I am actually supposed to be working but I just had to read… when I saw that title I was terrified.
Now, to the actual chapter. I was afraid she was going to say that.
Either that, or reveal the true name of her baby’s father (though it has been so thoroughly stressed that no one else came to see her that it could only have been Radomir I think… unless it was a supernatural thing — which I think it still might be!)
It’s obvious that she intends to protect the priest. (For which I applaud her! They’re both showing a wee bit of spunk in their love for each other lately.) But is she telling the truth?? I feel like you cheated us a little. Since the chapter was from Valeriya’s POV, and SHE knows the truth, it feels almost like you, the author, are deliberately withholding information by not making it more clear. It has to be the #1 thing on her mind the whole time. “She had to be strong. For him. For the Priest… even if it meant damning herself with a lie.” Because it IS a lie, isn’t it? Right? Right? *puppy dog eyes* It is something you have to think about with POV… the trade-off between increasing DRAMA!! by making the POV character withhold information versus the fact that the DRAMATIC!! detail is by definition probably at the forefront of the POV character’s mind the whole time. I know I’ve been guilty of this myself.
My theory, since I like those two so much, is that nothing happened, but Valeriya fears it did (or at least that she was delirious and dreaming and consented to something she didn’t realize), and she doesn’t want him to take the blame for raping her, so she protects him the only way she can. She was obviously quite, quite “out of it” for the past year, so she must realize she wouldn’t even remember if something DID happen. But that still doesn’t explain how the actual baby came into existence!
As for Radomir… I liked the detail of her looking at him and wishing she hadn’t. It makes her feel guiltier about what she’s doing (but is it guilt about telling a story that is possibly untrue? or guilt from believing she actually committed adultery) and also proves that Radomir has changed so much in the past year that she can actually signs of affection in his face.
As for Radomir himself, I was kind of disappointed in him at first. I was really glad the title didn’t mean that he was going to beat her or anything, but I was expecting a more Radomir-like reaction of howling NOOOOOO! and smashing chairs and so on. Instead he just got all weird and weepy. However, on second thought, it makes him so little-boy-like, as we saw glimpses of in earlier chapters with him. The unhappy, abused little boy he was. Instead of reacting like Radomir the Angry Man, he reacted like Radomir the Crushed Little Boy. And even if it is the least romantic reaction ever, I like that.
AND THEN WHAT HAPPENS?
I feel bad for both of them. I’m a little surprised, however, that he thought she loved him. When has she ever given any indication of loving him (although for Radomir’s sake, I kind of hope that changes at some point)?
But yeah, I think Valeriya’s just protecting Harndall here. Even if something did happen, she still seems a little too out of it to fully remember. And even if Valeriya and Harndall did have sex, I don’t think that’s how this particular baby was made–there’s something strange at work here, I’m sure.
Thanks for breaking your three day updating rule!
Ack! Ack! I must know HOW!
*pulls out hair*
And I almost feel bad for Radomir. Is that crazy? He is, by his very nature, oblivious to the effects of his brutishness. He lives in a perpetual bubble of denial and sheer blindness. Almost like a toddler.
She has been sort of… unresponsive for the last year. Radomir has had plenty of time to get all sentimental and clingy and to interpret her just-lying-there as being a sign that she does love him. I mean, he has had time to invent a little fantasy of love that Valeriya has done nothing to dispel. So I wasn’t really surprised to read that he thinks she loves him. But even so, the way he said it was really sad and childlike. It seemed more like a frightened child seeking assurance from his mommy than a grown man trying to soothe his lover. I feel so bad for him.
Hmmm… that is a good point Lothere. I didn’t really mean to obfuscate the truth of the matter like that. To be honest I didn’t actually think that much about it. For me, Valeriya is dogmatically trying to hold herself together in this chapter which may have come through as strength Ermine (btw, I do think she is a strong character, but we have seen her lying in bed delirious with a head injury (I think I can reveal that that’s what was primarily wrong with her and still is to a large extent… these sort of things don’t just get better like that if they are bad) for the past year. She is just bringing it all back together so I saw her in this chapter as her holding onto the lines she knew she had to say and not thinking about much else. It is good advice though Lothere, I didn’t think about how I was doing that and how unrealistic it might be for a character not to be thinking about the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
We will see how truthful Valeriya is being fairly soon. There will be more of an explanation when she sees Harndall but that will be in a few more chapters (I was planning to make it in a month in story time but I don’t want to do that to you guys and bumping it up doesn’t ruin my continuity). It’s all about Kelgar for the next few chapters. Hmmm, I think that would be a good TV show, and now, on channel two at 9, All about Kelgar. And then there would be some jazzy theme music and a montage of Kelgar chasing the ladies, grinning charmingly and generally getting into trouble.
I think Radomir has come full circle in a way in this chapter. Despite the evidence to the contrary he has been kidding himself that Valeriya loves him. I think he did feel to some extent like he was winning back her trust this year. Although breaking Varda’s nose in front of her, not such a trust winning exercise
(they need to keep that in mind for those team-building camps). And even before he seemed to think that she loved him. I think he is starting to learn that ownership doesn’t equal love. He has a very deluded view when it comes to her and at this, the defining proof that she really doesn’t love him he has crumbled. I think this reaction is actually more Radomir than the smashing chairs would have been. I was trying to bring it back to the story of when he was a child from Valeriya smiles for the first time and he squashed a baby bird by clutching it too tightly. I think we are actually seeing Radomir in one of his rawest forms here.
The three- day updating rule has been working pretty well so far, but I am willing to break it on odd occasions (actually I am pretty much desperate to break it all the time so just give me an excuse). Before, when I updated whenever I wrote stuff it ended up with these looooong stretches with no posts because I was too busy. So we could get 1 a day for weeks and then nothing for months. So now I am trying to keep a backlog of chapters so I can keep the story updated for you guys since I know what it is like to be on the other end refreshing over and over, waiting for a new chapter.
I was hoping we would get to see Valeriya talk to Harndall, though I wonder who will bring that about. It will be interesting to hear them both deny any memory of the event!!
Good job with the Radomir moment… you brought out the right reaction of childlike-ness in both me and Pen at least. I had vaguely remembered something about young Radomir with some small-animal-crushing incident, but I was thinking more of a butterfly than a baby bird. But the title makes total sense now that you have reminded me of that!
Ugh, I used to have a two-day-updating rule myself for a while, and it was hard not to press publish on the rare occasions that I had finished a chapter in a day. But it has been so long since I’ve done that. I couldn’t even maintain a 3-day-rule right now. I average about 5 or 6 days for a chapter now.
I guess they have been long and weighty lately, and about difficult subjects, but it frustrates me so much to have slowed down like that. But I totally understand how hard it is to wait to publish when you have something done! 
Heheheh… and that’s why I don’t have a rule. Maybe I should work to get a few buffer chapters, but knowing me and my impatience, if I had three chapters done, I’d just post them all
And yeah, you definitely nailed the childlike shock and disappointment with Radomir there. I’m just still dumbfounded that he actually thought she loved him.