Igrayne gets some advice
31st October 1102
“Thank yew Igrayne”, Arran said softly with a smile as she bent down to retrieve his empty plate.
The glazed pottery gleamed white in the glowing candlelight, every last drop of stew mopped up with a thick piece of bread, now lying warm in Arran’s belly. Illewen’s plate, in contrast, was still heaped high with potatoes and meat, the mountain of food proving too high for her knotted stomach.
“Are you sure you didn’t want some Wen?” Igrayne asked the other young woman who sat still, only her eyes moving slowly as they followed the dancing flame.
Illewen blinked twice, tearing her gaze from the molten tallow that was oozing down the side of the candle, her sad, round eyes finding Igrayne’s.
“Oh, no thank yew”, she tried to smile but it came out wrong, like a lopsided spider web trailing across her face.
“Alright then dear”, Igrayne stacked the plates and headed towards the house.
“Igrayne love, a word if yew don’t be minding”, she felt Polina’s fingers curling around her elbow, drawing her away from the pool of light surrounding the sturdy table.
“It’s just, I noticed yew seem to be eyeing off that Arran recently”, she murmured, softly enough that Igrayne could hear her, but too soft for their words to reach the group huddled around the table.
Igrayne flushed fiercely red, her scars aching and throbbing as the blood rushed to her face. She was glad that her face was hidden by shadow. Polina’s was lit by the candlelight, the flickering flame casting weird patterns on her features. One moment, her wry smile was hidden in the darkness, the next it would come creeping out again, illuminated by the light.
“An’ well, I guess what I wanted to be saying is that I think yew should think about poor Illewen”, the white’s of Polina’s eyes flashed in the darkness, as bright as the plate picked clean by Arran’s hand.
A lump was forming in Igrayne’s throat so that she was finding it difficult to swallow. And without swallowing it was becoming increasingly difficult to persuade the tears that were coming to stay behind the safety of her eyes.
“She’s got a baby an all, an’ she’s needing a man more than yew are that’s fer certain”, Polina reached over and gingerly fingered the fine material of Igrayne’s new cloak, “What with yer new status as a lady’s maid an all. Yew should really consider doing what’s right and letting poor Illewen have a chance. She ain’t got no fancy lady watching after her is all I’m saying, if yer care to listen”.
Igrayne glanced over to where Arran and Illewen were sitting. The circle of light cast by the candle enveloped them in its warm embrace as they sat, heads bowed in conversation. Arran’s body was turned towards hers, his hands gesturing enthusiastically as he regaled her with some story. Illewen was silent, listening to him as she watched dollops of fat roll down the candle and splatter onto the grooves of the wooden table.
A feeling of despair welled up inside Igrayne, forcing its way up through her throat and almost dislodging the lump. There was so much she wanted from this life, so much she had expected. This was her one chance at happiness. And yet, Polina was right, who was she, well-provided for, to stand in the way of a woman who had suffered as Illewen had. A woman with a small child. A fragile woman who needed a man to take care of her. A beautiful, grieving woman with a perfect face.
“I trust yew will do what’s right Igrayne. Yer a good girl at heart”, Polina said softly as she walked away.
Short post guys so sorry about that. I couldn’t think of a way to merge it with the next since I need to change perspectives and it seemed like a good place to end.
But- But Igrayne needs love’n too! She may be provided for now but after all the crap that she’s been through, she needs a little happiness. And she’s so good-natured that she probably will back down.
Yeesch, this birthday party was teeth gnashingly awkward.
It’s to soon for Illewen to be paired up anyway. Sometimes you just have to put your own happiness before others, Igrayne.
Yeah, I can understand how Polina thinks she’s doing the right thing, but it’s really too soon for Ilewen to be thinking about getting a new man, and I still think Ilewen really wouldn’t care if Arran and Igrayne got together anyway. Ilewen will find someone when the time is right, but I just can’t see her ever being really interested in Arran.
I was fixing to be mad at Polina the second she took Igrayne aside but now… I see her point. Especially in this time period, marriage wasn’t just about love, and a woman’s only chance at a comfortable life was usually by getting a husband. Otherwise she was necessarily someone’s dependent, with all the self-effacement and humility that comes along with that, or else barely scrimping by in her widowhood by darning people’s socks or something.
Of course Igrayne is someone’s dependent herself now, but perhaps to Polina it seems a cozier life than what a widow and orphan baby would live. Perhaps people really would think that the “right” thing to do would be for Igrayne to step aside. I read recently something about a guy who lost his job during the Great Depression to make way for a man whose only special qualification over the first guy was that he was married and had a family to provide for.
And in this case — in this “colonial” society where there simply aren’t enough eligibles to go around — there is surely an extra pressure to make decisions that would seem rather cold-hearted to us. They need more citizens, and the only way they are going to get them is to make more. (And take good care of the babies they already have.)
ON THE OTHER HAND! It must be obvious even to blind Gena that Illewen is NOT interested in looking for a man right now, and that Arran and Igrayne have a little thing for each other. And Igrayne would surely have beautiful babies. (Assuming Arran isn’t sterile of course.) So what’s to think?
The only thing I am sure about is that Igrayne is going to totally give up now unless Arran absolutely throws himself at her. (Even if someone else throws him at her, he is still going to have to do some convincing himself.) She already thinks she is SO not worthy of love — now Polina has added an extra scoop of guilt on top of that, if she goes ahead and tries for (or even accepts) Arran’s affection anyway.
Oh dear oh dear. I guess the only good thing is that Illewen is SO not ready — Igrayne and Arran will probably have at least a little time window in which to find each other.
Oooh or maybe Illewen can be the one to push Igrayne and Arran together! Igrayne might accept that. But even as gentle as Illewen seemed to be earlier, she just seems to be so far away… she might not even notice all this going on around her.
Anyway, welcome back, Verity! Bonne année!
In thinking of the time period, Polina has a point, but still. It just seems… wrong to be forcing someone who is still so wounded into a relationship. I don’t see that going very well, for any of them–Illwen, Arran, and Igrayne. What a messy situation. There’s just so many angles to look at it and well, Verity, you’re the only one who knows how it will go down!
I don’t see it going well, though. Igrayne has suffered so much already, in her own way. Polina’s pushy nature may have just pushed Igrayne even further back into the shell of her mind, closing her off for good. I mean, Illwen has suffered, but a death, not… well, I mean, their tragedies are different. We’ll see how it goes.
I don’t envy either of them, that’s for sure. Welcome back, Verity!
Hi Penelope *waves* , this is your first comment right? Nice to see you here
It is one of those “it was the times” moments. I think in Illewen’s case there wouldn’t have been much of a grieving phase (maybe if she had been a noble woman). Particularly since bachelors are such a rarity on Mhalwae. She would be encouraged to find a husband ASAP to take care of her and the baby. She is in a better situation actually on Mhalwae than she would be otherwise. There are so few people on Mhalwae that the nobility is much closer to the peasant class and there is a general feeling of everyone working together to survive.
I really do think that Polina is trying to do the best thing for Illewen here even though it might seem callous. Polina definitely has a higher opinion of Illewen than Igrayne. They all worked in the kitchen together, and before Igrayne’s ordeal you can imagine what a pair she and Maire must have been. But poor Igrayne… seriously, the girl risked her life for Mhalwae. She deserves a bit more respect.
And thanks for the nice welcome! Happy new year to all of you too