31st October 1102

Despite the occasional cool breeze twining around Igrayne’s body like the breath of a lost soul, the party was remarkably cosy. They were seated around the heavy wooden table, lovingly notched together by Noah’s steady hands. Although the world around was dark and forbidding, they had created a small pocket of warmth and conviviality within the radius of the light from the dancing flames.

”Well Gena love, yew’ve certainly outdone yerself with this one. This has to be being the most delicious pork I’ve tasted in that many years!” Hepsie praised, waving her fork for emphasis.

“It is certainly being a scrumptious meal dear Gena. I want to be thankin’ yew for this wonderful birthday feast”, Arran continued with a warm smile on his face, “this is certainly bein’ the nicest thing anyone’s done fer me in that long fer my birthday”.

He paused for a moment, a brief frown flitting across his brow before it was chased away by his returning grin, “an’ thanks goes to the kitchen helpers too, fer assisting Gena in cooking up such a wonderful meal”.

He was looking directly at Igrayne, peeping shyly out from under his fringe and grinning at her. Her heart flopped in her chest, a tiny flailing creature unsure of how to respond to the kindness it was receiving. She smiled shyly back.

“Well thank yew Arran”, Gena, who had finished chewing her mouthful, beamed, “if anyone deserves a nice birthday it’s certainly yew love. Yew been that good fer Noah an’ Derrin an’ me, all the helping yew done with our little farm”.

“Mmphf… this certainly is good pork”, Steen mumbled through a large mouthful, “Perraps we need to be gettin’ some pigs of our own Hepsie, or at least coming round more often fer dinner”.

He sent a wink in Gena’s direction forgetting that she couldn’t see it.

”An, Hepsie, yew already know how to be slaughtering them pigs yerself don’t yew. It’s a wonder yew women even need us”, he chuckled softly, piling another fork high with food and jamming into his mouth.

Igrayne began to feel sick in the pit of her stomach, willing Steen to stay quiet and not continue his thought to its inevitable completion.

“Well now Steen, love. Of course we be needin’ yew lads. Don’t yew be silly now. Been drinkin’ too much ale yew have. Maybe we should talk about something else”, Hepsie’s eyes were wide, as Steen shovelled in another mouthful.

”Hmmphf… suppose yew got to have someone to keep yew warm at night though when the fires start to grow cold. I’m certainly glad to have yew little Hepsie, my love duckling… ouch why are yew kickin’ me?”

“Whoops sorry, my mistake”, Hepsie grated, her face like a small, angry thundercloud.

“Yessiree, us good fer nothin’ men. Get out while yew still can ladies, yew…”, Steen’s eye’s suddenly surveyed the gathered company, flicking from face to face, passing over Arran’s, then to Igrayne’s and finally alighting on Illewen’s stricken expression, “Well gosh…”.

“I think yer bein’ wrong Steen”, Arran interjected, glancing at Illewen whose dark eyes were glistening with tears in the flickering candlelight, “I think yew’ll find if yew asked any of the ladies here they would tell yew that havin’ a man around means a great deal more than just havin’ a warm body to be lyin’ next to when its cold an’ dark outside. Yer not thinkin’ of people’s feelings when yew say that”.

Steen opened his mouth, and Igrayne felt sure he was going to apologise. She felt a rush of relief that he had not said the thing she was most dreading, when Polina sharply cut in.

“Well, I tell yew what. We certainly be needin’ men fer one thing an’ that’s the most important thing of all”.

Polina’s teeth glinted white in the darkness, a shark circling her prey in the murky depth waiting for the moment to strike. Igrayne’s blood ran cold, like the fish hiding amongst the weeds, waiting for rasp of sharp teeth along rows of shiny scales. She could hear the words grating from Pol’s mouth before they began to run out over her tongue.

”Yew can’t be makin’ babies alone that’s bein’ fer sure”.

Arran went pale, the faint glow of the candlelight casting ghastly shadows on his face. The muscles in his neck tensed and relaxed as he swallowed hard. His eyes slowly closed and Igryane could imagine the wall of tears that was building, threatening to break loose at the slightest weakening of his defences.

Igrayne was hot, her face flushed and feverish, the circle of light suddenly became the perimeter of a prison they were all trapped in together. Outside the air would by cool and fresh, the scent of salt on the breeze, rather than the reek of fatty meat that was rising from their plates in a fetid haze.

Igryane desperately tried to think of something to say, anything to ease Arran’s pain, but her mind was blank. She looked across at Gena, who was steadfastly spooning food into her mouth, chewing determinedly as though nothing was wrong.

Hepsie’s mouth was opening and shutting like a dying fish gasping for air as it lay struggling pitifully in the sand.

In the darkness she saw Pol’s gleaming eyes flick to Arran’s face and back. When a brief expression of shock passed over Polina’s face Igrayne realised that she had not been purposefully cruel. It was only there momentarily before she resolutely set her features back into a benign smile. Pol had not been thinking of poor Nelly at all, but it did not matter, the damage had been done.

Igrayne’s mouth was parched, so that even had she thought of something to say to end this dreadful silence, she could not believe that the words would manage to rattle out from the wasteland of her mouth.

Suddenly Illewen coughed softly, and then spoke for the first time that night since she had arrived, “No-one can be sayin’ what’s needed to be makin’ babies Pol. The virgin mother never needed a man to be havin’ a little baby. It’s all bein’ part of God’s plan fer us, an’ we can’t question whether that’s right or wrong”.

Arran had opened his eyes and was gazing at her intently.

“Which means that if no baby is comin’ yew can’t be blamin’ yerself”, her eyes were soft and kind, “Yew can never be blamin’ yerself when bad things happen, because they happened fer a reason. Maybe we aren’t understandin’ it now but it is certain we will be one day”.

Her voice trembled, “Perraps God was being in need of two more angels”.

Igrayne saw in Arran’s eyes such a look of shared grief as well as gratitude that she had to look away. She gazed down at her plate, a collection of mushed up vegetables and the outline of ribs where the meat has been sucked away by her hungry mouth. She felt hollow and empty like the bare bones of the animal they had eaten, everything torn and chopped away till there was nothing worth saving.

Barran, Cade, Shildfrith, Ulcar