8th October 1102

“Gently now Riandur… Snowy doesn’t like it when you pat her too hard”, Morven chastened her son with a small smile.

Riandur was exuberantly batting at Snowflake with hands still sticky from his mashed apple lunch. Roughly he stroked one fat little hand then the other down the ridge of the unmoving kitten’s back. Snowflake was gazing at Morven with a long-suffering look that reminded her with a pang of the young cat’s mother. Boots had often worn the very same expression when Alexis suddenly decided to hoist her up onto his lap. She would grudgingly let him scratch behind her ears but she always made it abundantly clear by the narrowed slits of her eyes and the faintly swishing tail that she was not a cat to be put.

Still Snowflake’s tail was stationary and she merely looked bemused at the proceedings. And Riandur was gazing up at her with such jubilant glee that she didn’t like to spoil his fun by scolding him. His mouth was spread into a wide gummy grin, his first three teeth proudly on display as a small trail of drool dribbling from one corner.

“Bwwww”, he cried blowing a raspberry, his chubby cheeks vibrating in time with the random pawing of his hands.

Her other son Colthan had carefully placed the toy horse he had been thoughtfully examining over one knee and was watching the proceedings intently.

She could not help but be struck by the contrast between the two, particularly when they were playing. Riandur was full of buoyant energy, smiling and laughing one moment and screaming till his face was scrunched up and bright red the next. It was Riandur who had first smiled up at her from the crib while Colthan lay pale and wan beside him. Riandur had laughed first too, a great gurgling chuckle which made Colthan’s tiny snuffle a month later seem meager by comparison. Now Riandur was crawling around while Colthan could only sit and watch. And yet, though Riandur often demanded the majority of her attention she held a special fondness for the serious, quiet little boy who merely sat and watched. In him she saw more of herself than she ever could in Alexis’ boisterous first-born twin.

She gently rubbed her belly thinking of the child that she was beginning to be sure was growing there. Not only had she missed her cycle twice, but she had been quite queasy a few times in the morning, though nothing like she had felt with the twins.

A startled yowl drew her back to the present, her eyes snapping back to her chubby blue-eyed son and the cat that was squirming frantically in his grasp.

Not content with merely touching, Riandur had wrapped his stocky arms around the unfortunate animal’s neck and was now squeezing tightly while attempting to suck on Snowflake’s ear.

“Riandur no!”, she cried but it was too late.

With a hiss of irritation, the young cat swiped at Riandur’s leg, springing from his strangling grasp. She plonked herself down, turned away from the small boy and began to disdainfully lick her tail.

Riandur looked around in stark horror and when he saw Morven was watching him his face crumpled, mouth opening wide to let out a piercing shriek.

Morven launched herself towards the screaming baby.

“There now sweet-pie… your alright. It’s just a little scratch”, in truth she thought it was less. Though Snowflake may have grown irritated at all the attention sometimes she rarely used her claws.

She bent down to pick up her wailing son but snapped up straight again as a dreadful crushing pain descended on her. She gasped has the throbbing pressure began to increase, as though her ribcage was being slowly compressed in a familiar vice-like grip and all that it protected was bursting, crushed by the collapsing structure.

Riandur had stopped wailing, the only sound was the rampant thumping of her heartbeat and the roar of heated blood in her ears. She looked down at Colthan, eyes swimming with tears of agony. He was clutching his toy horse against his chest as he gazed up at her, his blue-eyes wide. Her blue eyes wide. Her throat constricting, her breath panting.

She sank to the floor, leaning heavily against the crib as she struggled to find air. Moments earlier breathing had seemed like such a simple thing but now she found she could not remember the procedure. She closed her eyes and tried not to panic, tried to still her thundering heart, tried not to suck in every mouthful of air she could get.

Slowly the pain in her chest eased, the great weight removed and she began to breathe normally again. As she was regaining her sense she realised that heavy footsteps were clomping down the hall, stopping outside the door and then it was opening and her grinning husband was striding in.

She looked up in dismay as the grin slid from his face, his mustache drooping sadly at the edges.

“Morven”, he cried, and suddenly he was all black boots and gangling legs shoved into too tight pants somehow managing to skid beside her on his knees.

“I’m fine, just fine”, she croaked batting away his helping hand in consternation.

It had been so long since she had felt pains like this. Since the birth of the boys she had slowly been regaining her strength though she was still more easily exhausted than before. But then, anyone with two small boys keeping them up half the night could claim that couldn’t they? But now the pain had returned, sinuously wrapping around her body like a long-forgotten lover, pressing her down once more, his heavy insistent weight moving above her.

She tried to lift herself to her feet but her arm collapsed weakly beneath her trembling weight. Alexis’ wrapped his strong arms firmly around her waist, pulling her carefully to her feet.

She did not want him to know. She could not bear to share her secret fear with him though some part of her longed for him to be perceptive enough to see it himself. Her dear father would have known, would have only had to see the slight downturn of her mouth or a the tiny crinkle in her brow to understand that something was very, very wrong. But the man she had married was nothing like her father.

She felt him now, his solid body holding her steady as she swayed dizzily on weary legs. But when she opened her eyes the hands that held her fast were only Alexis’.

“My dear old Morven, are you alright?”, she heard the worry in his voice and bracing herself turned with a smile.

“Oh yes, I’m just fine love”, she cried but the drooping smile on her face and her trembling hands betold the lie.

“You don’t look fine”, Alexis murmured, reaching up to gently stroke her face, “well, that is to say you always look fine as you are a fine-looking woman but your pretty cheeks are quite flushed”.

She hoisted up the corners of her mouth, grinning like a hollow skull the skin stripped bare from her flushed face.

“Don’t be silly Alexis love. I would tell you if there were something wrong wouldn’t I?”, she smiled as hard as she could, trying to make her voice light and bubbly to hide the painful wheeze.

“Kitten, I came in here to find you slumped on the floor breathing so heavily I thought you must have been racing with Riandur. You simply can’t tell me nothing is wrong. I don’t believe you. Has the pain come back?”.

The cool hand that was soothing her burning cheek had slid down her side and now he pulled her gently but surely to him. She saw that it was not working. His gaze was searching, brows twisted up in a worried crease, soft lips puckered into an unsure pout beneath the slight bristle of his mustache. She would have to do better.

She ducked away from him, pressing her face against his shoulder so he could not see it.

“You know how we ladies like to have our little secrets Alexis”, she chided with a forced laugh, her voice muffled by the smooth velvet of his coat.

“Are you… does this mean what I think”, he whispered in her ear and she could hear the smile on his face.

He pulled her to him again and she snapped her features hurriedly back into place, an expression of benign joy. It was becoming more and more difficult to realign the weary muscles of her face, even the slight twitch required for a smile was more than she could be bothered with if not for a purpose such as now.

“Yes dear, but can we keep it a secret for now. I was waiting till I felt the baby move before I was going to tell you but I suppose you have guessed it now because I was silly enough to feel a little faint”.

“Another baby! So soon you fertile little thing. What a wife I have. Do you suppose it will be another boy or a girl this time… three babies. Good Lord we are going to be busy aren’t we?!”, she saw from his excited babbling that she had managed to convince him and she let out a sigh of relief.

He mistook it for a weary sigh, “Oh but my sweet, little mother kitten. You must be very tired then. Is that why you were feeling faint? I’ll go fetch Juzzy to look after these boys who are being remarkably good I must say”.

Morven looked down at her sons, Riandur staring up at her in gaping dismay and Colthan simply staring.

“Another baby…”, she turned from his smiling face, “Goodness me we are lucky”.

But at that moment she did not feel so very lucky.