Varda lies still
Varda stumbled into the room pulling the heavy door shut behind with an echoing thud. The pain in her nose was intense, a heavy throbbing that flooded across her cheeks and pooled in her sockets.
It did not however distract her from the growing pain in her belly, the faint niggling, ache that was flowing from her spine and contracting her lower body.
A massive spasming cramp hit, her body doubling over in pain as she fought the urge to scream. She gritted her teeth together as her breath hissed out between her lips. She clamped her legs shut feeling a gentle trickle of blood winding its way down her leg.
Her hands flew to her belly, “Please, little one… please don’t leave me”, she whispered, her fingers slowly stroking down the slight curve of her aching abdomen.
It had only been days before that she had felt the first tiny shudder of movement, tickling inside her, the tiny pawings of her baby. Her fingers carefully moved over the bumps and knots of embroidery, searching for that feeling, willing it to return.
“Please…”, she clamped her teeth together again as her body shook with another wave of pain shuddering up from her pelvis.
Her vision blurred with unshed tears, the sounds in her ears muffled as though she wore a heavy cloak. It was so very chill in this room, the sweat that was pouring off her ailing body grew frigid and clammy as it met with the air. She thought heard the faint sounds of pattering feet against the wooden floorboards above the ringing in her ears.
“Don’t leave me”, she murmured entreatingly to the small creature whose life hung tenuously, buried deep within her useless womb.
The door swung open and Hepsie rapidly limped in, “Lord sakes woman! Yew should be lyin’ down. Get yerself on that bed now. I’ve seen to the Countess and someone is lookin’ over her so yew don’t need to be worryin’ yerself about that”.
She hurried over to Varda, her hands gently resting on the other woman’s straining belly.
“I’m losing it Hepsie”, Varda managed to choke between chattering teeth.
“Not if I be havin’ a say yew aren’t, an’ I damn well are”, she wrapped her arms around Varda’s trembling waist, herding her towards the bed.
“Are yew feelin’ the cramps? And bleedin’?”, she asked bluntly.
“Both”, Varda managed to reply.
“There now”, she aid helping Varda to lie down, stroking her hair gently, “Lord sakes, yer poor nose must be hurtin’ to bust. I’m goin’ to have to be settin’ it but let’s be worryin’ about that later when we’ve settled the littl’ un”.
She spoke with such calm authority that Varda was reasssured. Certainly she had lost the other babies, but Hepsie had never been there before it was too late. Perhaps she could make a difference.
“I’m just goin’ to have a feel now”, she leant over and gently palpated Varda’s belly, “has the baby quickened yet?”.
“Yes”, Varda managed to whisper, “just these last days I felt it move”.
“But it’s not movin’ now?” she asked a frown of concentration creasing her pretty brow.
“No”, the word rang hollow in Varda’s ears and she had to fight the urge to curl up and just let nature take its course. Perhaps God did not wish it that she was blessed with a child.
“Alright Me lady, I need to be examin’ yew in the more personal places. Is that bein’ alright with yew”.
Varda nodded, biting one lip between her teeth.
Hepsie carefully lifted them hem of her dress and pulled back the soft folds of her shift.
Varda lay very still as Hepsie’s sure fingers moved beneath her dress, her mouth pursed with concentration her eyes distant as though she listened for a very faint sound that Varda could not hear.
Varda grimaced in pain as Hepsie worked.
“Sorry Yer Ladyship, I know it ain’t comfortable but I’m almost done… there now”, she rose, wiping her hands on her apron.
“Will I lose it?”, Varda asked, her voice so quiet she did not know if Hepsie had even heard.
Hepsie looked down at her, her face full of compassion, “I’m not sure yet Yer Ladyship. There’s a good chance yew will but it don’t mean there ain’t still hope fer the littl’un. And I’m goin’ to do everything in my earthly power to keep it here so one day it be seein’ it’s mother’s face this side of the pearly gates”.
“Now yew just lie back and be very still. I’m just off to get Juzzine an’ some clean linen and warm water. Don’t yew be worrying yerself. Yer husband won’t be lettin’ that dreadful man be gettin’ away with this, an’ neither will the King”.
She turned away, hurrying from the room leaving Varda with her own thoughts and the dull clenching pain between her thighs. She was not surprised Radomir had been angry if such a thing were true. And Varda could not help but be glad that she had stood between his rage and Valeriya. The poor girl was damaged enough, scarcely all there since the accident. She couldn’t have let him hurt her.
But was the sacrifice her own child? And how could it be that Valeriya was pregnant if it were not Radomir’s? There had been someone with her nearly all the time. Varda’s mind flitted guiltily back to the one time she knew Valeriya had been visited. She herself had snuck the Father in to pray by her bedside. But she never would have thought…
No, she could not believe the Father was capable of such a thing.
Her nose began to bleed again, a small trickle running down her upper lip and into her mouth. She licked her lips but she did not move. Lying still, her hands resting gently on her belly she waited for Hepsie to return.
Hepsie to the rescue!!! Varda’s husband better beat the snot out of Radomir.
Verity,
I’ve never commented before, although I’ve been a loyal reader of Mhalwae for quite a long time…actually, it was through this site that I got to Lothere, so I’ve been reading since September or so. Anyway, don’t think no one noticed the DEAD CHILDREN IN THE MIRROR! I’m pretty sure that’s who they are, and not a mistake…very very subtle and very creepy, great job!
He didn’t even touch her stomach!
She was going to miscarry anyway. But he will surely get the blame. So I guess my fear was not unfounded: he did kill somebody. Things are going to go very badly for Radomir. Maybe Sigurd will even grow a spine.
Right now I still just want to pull the covers up over my head and wait till this part is over. I really got invested in Radomir it seems and it just shakes me up so much to see this happening. And what you’ve hinted about Valeriya in the comments makes me think that his relationship with his wife is a dead end no matter what happens.
Maybe Radomir just needs to step back from all this and get away from women (and other people) and enter a monastery. Say, I know a good one, with an awesome abbot. I’ll look up his number for you.
At least there’s Hepsie, though. *sniffle* God bless Hepsie! Between Hepsie and Noah there will always be someone around who never falls apart. (Except in childbed.)
Having reread the last chapter (and now knowing what Varda is feeling guilty about… nothing much really) I have to say I admire her quite a bit more than before. I never liked her much but she really stood up to Radomir, both before and after he hit her. She has a spine of steel.
Also I did not see the children in the mirror, and I was even looking for them! (in the second mirror picture… derrrr) I think it was totally intentional because right there you mention the pattering feet, which is like the official terminology for the sound little kids make. Poor Varda.
I think it might soften her up a lot and make her more likable (to me) if she had a baby. And maybe get along better with her husband.
Hi Cassie! I didn’t know you were sneakily reading along there
I am glad you like the story so much. And well spotted with the dead kiddies in the mirror.
It will be interesting to see how Sigurd reacts to this. I haven’t taken the pics yet so I don’t know how it is going to go. I have some ideas but I am going to see what his reaction is and what works.
I don’t know. I feel like I have put Radomir in a really bad situation here. He didn’t hit Varda in the stomach but he did injure her and give her a big shock which was apparently enough to have some sort of effect since she is so susceptible anyway. I am still not sure it is a dead-end with Valeriya but he is seriously messed up when it comes to her and vice versa. And this has just gone and messed it up a whole lot more. I honestly don’t know how this whole tangle is going to sort itself out, especially since I keep making it worse (am I going to have to wade in there with scissors or something). I think one solution is that he stays away from her for a while (but how long? he has already tried that). He needs to go and find himself in India for a couple of years
Have I lost you on Radomir now Lothere
I hope not. You are his one true fan. Hang in there till the next chapter. I know what you mean about pulling up the covers and waiting it out though… I felt like that with the whole Araphel debacle at the end there. It was like watching a very slow train wreck. *Sigh* Radomir is a bit like that now. But I don’t think he has totally reverted. At least he is distressed by his behaviour now, before he thought he was entitled to behave in this manner. I think he is growing, it is just slowly and of course there are relapses. I guess there is no simple off switch.
That’s true, he is definitely having remorseful thoughts lately. He is definitely aware that his violent impulses are wrong, even if he can’t always prevent himself from acting on them. The problem is, I can’t just take Eallair and explain to him that Radomir really wants to be loved. I can’t even explain that to Radomir. It seems to me he would be so much better off if some gentle person somewhere was aware of what’s going through his conflicted head, and helped him sort it out. He is SO ALONE. More alone than Valeriya, really, no matter how messed up she is, since people still care for her and try to take care of her. Who takes care of Radomir? Who gives him a hug?
I know I am probably seeing Radomir through my own misty hazy fantasies, and “he just wants to be loved” doesn’t actually justify anything he’s done. I guess this is just more mental blanket-over-head-pulling. But *sigh*
Okay… so I really need to be posting that next chapter. It is all ready to go. I just want to read it to the boyf to check the characters behaviour is not too non-sensical (it makes sense to me but I am not sure if it will fly with other people). Because I have been feeling all the same things about Radomir is you… he is so alone. And he desperately needs a hug. Head on over to the next chapter… in approximately 15 minutes or so.
And yes, I doubt Eallair is going to be impressed with this or realise that it is just Radomir’s need to be loved
Oh Geeze that’s intense…ahhh creepy children! I wonder why they were there…to welcome their new sibling into the afterlife…or to try and help keep him/her alive? I really hope it survives…she was so sad, and she really deserves a child. She protected Valeryia and she deserves happiness. Dammit Radomir you stupid ass! Nobody’s gonna hug you if you keep being abusive!
I think Varda deserves happiness too Tiana… poor girl. She has had bad luck with the pregnancy roller. Like seriously. But then, I think all my characters deserve happiness. But do I give it to them… no. Mean old me.
The drama in the air of Mhalwae is unbeleivable!
Sorry I’m late. Computer died. Now, I have to say.
VERITY YOU NEARLY KILLED ME WITH THE FREAKY DEAD CHILDREN IN THE MIRROR! GAH! I glanced at one of the pictures and BAM! Holy crap. Was NOT expecting that. Fantastic, but freaky as hell. Buh.
Poor Varda… I hope she doesn’t lose this one, too.
Yeah Devin, there is so much going on I am finding it hard to advance the story at all
I’m glad I gave you a fright Mao
I for one, have a total fear of mirrors. I always expect for some reason that when I look into them I will see someone standing behind me in the room. Gah! So freaky. I think I listened to those Bloody Mary stories too much when I was a kid.