Lyiss hears a confession
Lyiss opened the door and quietly slipped into the stables. She wanted to see if her favourite bay was here and she was not disappointed. Sael was chomping blissfully on a mouthful of hay, her velvety nostrils flared as she noisily inhaled. The smell of the stables was pleasant, a combination of warm horse and the heavier scent of fresh hay.
Sael nickered softly as she saw Lyiss, straining her head towards the gaps in the bars through which Lyiss could stroke her face. Lyiss raised her hand to oblige, but was distracted by a muffled sobbing coming from the darkest corner of the room.
She followed the sound and was stunned to see the Earl, perched on a bale of hay, quietly weeping into his open hands.
She stood for a long moment staring at him in disbelief. This was the strong, tall man who had frightened her so, looming above her in the corridor and issuing commands. Now he sat before her, his bulky arms curling around himself, sobbing with abandon. She had not realised that men cried too, her brother certainly never had in her presence.
He had not noticed her yet, she could quietly turn on her heel and sneak out to avoid an awkward conversation. And yet, he seemed so pitiful, his hair that was usually tied back so neatly had come undone and hung in a messy trail down one shoulder. His feet were planted firmly on the ground, spaced to mirror his shoulders like a warrior preparing for battle, but his thighs were trembling. Perhaps he needed help and just because she was shy she would run off and leave him in his predicament. No, she would not.
“Er… Your Lordship”, she squeaked, her voice wavering as she spoke, “are you needing some assistance? Is something wrong?”
His head snapped up and she could see the tear stains running down his cheeks, like rivers in the continents of his weathered face. He gaped at her in shock and then began to hastily wipe his face with the back of a meaty hand. His mouth was open, as he sucked in breath, trying to gain control of his emotions.
“What do you want?” he asked gruffly, his throat rough form sobbing, “have they sent you here to find me?”
He looked up at her now and she grew awkward beneath his steady gaze.
“I’m sorry My Lord, I do not understand what you mean”, she stared down at her slender fingers to avoid his eyes.
She had noticed them before, they were an intense grey, like the colour of the King’s prize stallion, a wild beast that calmed only to His Majesty’s touch.
“Ah well. You will know soon enough. My wife is pregnant with another man’s child”, he choked, brushing back a thick strand of hair with his shaking hand.
She stared at him in amazement, compassion welling in her thudding heart. The poor man, what a terrible betrayal.
“I’m so very sorry”, she murmured, venturing a few steps towards him.
He gave a rasping laugh that caught in his throat and almost turned into a ratcheting sob, “Oh but that’s not all Mistress Elmvarn”.
“I struck Lady Inbar, and by the crunching sound I’d wager I broke her nose. Now I find out she was with child, although probably no longer”.
His thick, black eyebrows creased in dismay as he gazed at his hand, Lyiss imagined the very one that had collided with Lady Inbar’s fine features.
She suppressed a gasp of horror imagining the flare of blood, the wet grinding noise as the cartilage shattered. She had heard it before, as a child, a fight between two cousins ending with a broken nose and a black eye. But she could never conceive of such a thing being done to a lady.
And then she remembered the Countess’ battered face, the rumours and the gossip that had circulated through the winding hallways of the ship. She had not believed it possible, had not wanted to. How very naive she had been.
“Oh”, was all she replied.
“That is not all either”, Radomir continued hoarsely, “last year, I beat my wife as I have often done when she angered or disobeyed me. I did not know she was with child at the time, else I hope I never would have done such a thing. But who knows. When I am angry I am no longer myself”.
He paused for a moment to draw a deep, shuddering breath.
“She… she lost the baby… and I think she was glad because it was mine”, his voice caught in his throat as a single tear rolled down the side of his humped nose and dripped onto the dry sheaves of hay.
“Why are you telling me this?” she whispered breathlessly.
“I don’t know. I don’t know”, he gasped, “I don’t have anyone else to tell. And you asked… you asked”.
He began to sob again, his body slowly rocking back and forth, the hay rustling beneath the weight. His shoulders shook, his hair falling over one side of his face and curtaining it from her searching eyes. He rested his head in his big hands, the occasional tears sliding free of the confines and trickling down between his fingers.
Lyiss stared at him, trying to hate him for what he had done but she could not. She only felt pity for the poor creature weeping before her. He had indeed done dreadful things, but it seemed he had also been used in such a way. And she understood how it felt to never be asked, what it was like to have nobody to tell.
She went over to perch beside him on a hay bale. She did not say anything, did not know what to say. She merely sat next to the shivering man, watching the tears roll down his face, her hands resting awkwardly on her thighs.
Suddenly for reasons she did not quite understand she was overwhelmed with a wave of desperate pity. She launched herself at him, wrapping her scrawny arms tightly around his grief-wracked body.
He stiffened for a moment, his arms rigid at his sides and then they clumsily found their way around her body and awkwardly clasped her back.
Lyiss had never been so close to a man, and she felt her heart beating more rapidly as his warm hands pressed her to him. His scent was overpowering, not unpleasant, but a heady mix of sweat and hay, as well as the faint metallic undertones of blood. She felt dizzy and a little sick as she pressed her face against his warm shoulder.
He clung to her like a drowning man, his fingers curling round her back. She could feel the pounding of his heart against her breast. She fought the urge to sob at the feeling, the simple warmth of another human’s body that she had so craved as a child growing in a family where love was not spoken of and showing affection all but forbidden. Her fingers too, were clutching desperately at his tunic, grasping at his knotted hair.
Suddenly he broke away from her, looking for a moment into her eyes, and then closing his own.
“Thank you”, was all he said, carefully removing his arms from around her waist, and untangling her own from his hair.
He rose to his feet, gazing down at her. She stared up at him, her cheeks flaring red with embarrassment at her sudden, brazen behaviour. Suddenly he was the tall, frightening man again, towering above her and she nothing more than an insignificant piece of smut lying amidst the hay.
He looked down at her for a moment, his eyebrows knitted above dark grey eyes that swirled with confusion and then turned from her and strode through the door.
Lyiss closed her eyes and tried to cool her blazing cheeks and calm her thundering heart. Her hands were pressed so hard against her thighs, her knuckles turned white.
So… here is the chapter that made me cry when I was taking the pictures. It was the second picture of them hugging that did it. Where Radomir just looks like he wants to hang on forever because he may never get this again and has maybe never had it. Can you imagine that Valeriya ever just gave him a hug. I doubt it. And his parents were definitely not the hugging type. Poor guy. He did really need a hug. And so did Lyiss it seems. Both of them just grabbing clumsily at each other, just needing that simple human kindness. My poor characters, I am so mean to them.
Interesting about hugs… they are actually really good for you but they have to go on for at least 10 seconds or something for the good hugging endorphins to be released. So hugging does make people feel. And it really is true, I was talking to a friend who was on exchange here for 6 months and I was asking if he missed his girlf. He said yes and that most of all he missed the hugs because he had not been hugged in 5 months. Of course I gave him a hug but it got me thinking. People really do need hugs. Can you imagine never having a hug from anybody. That would be dreadful. I think I would just start going round hugging people on the street whether they liked it or not… I would be a hugger mugger or something
It’s true. I always had male friends who were really cuddly and loved to hold me (always a bit more than just a “friend”) and I haven’t had one in so long, and don’t have any particularly huggy friends at the moment. So I really miss being hugged.
This one just made my heart ache. Sweet little Lyiss! I was so afraid he would shove her away or try to kiss her or something, but no…it was just so, so sweet. You really do jerk us around with Radomir.
*sigh* I am so happy right now. Oh Verity you play me like a violin.
I was so afraid he was going to get up and clobber her when he realized he had a witness to his crying. He must have been emotionally razed to the ground at that point if he was able to let that go. And to tell her everything! Just like that! Is she magic or what? Or is she just the first person ever in the history of the planet to ask poor Radomir what’s wrong?
He looked so vulnerable in these pictures, good job. Especially that fifth one, with the hair, and his big craggy old face, and his miserable expression. *sigh* And that second hugging picture! You’re so right! He looks like he’s in so much pain.
And I like how he said “When I am angry I am no longer myself.” Because like I’ve been telling everyone for so long that’s not the real Radomir. I’m glad he knows it, too. He could also think “When I’m angry, the real me comes out.” But no.
I think there is some chemistry there, though. Lyiss was quite taken with him if you ask me. And for him to just say thank you! I really expected them to start rolling around on the hay, with Lyiss’s full accord. Hmm, is that where this is heading, Verity? What to do? Lyiss + Kelgar vs. Lyiss + Radomir. Right now I’ll take anything that makes Radomir happy though.
Interesting revelation about Lyiss’s family, particulary as it pertains to Gay Steward. Maybe he is just Afraid-of-Human-Contact Steward? Maybe he is Impotent Steward? A brazen wench like Nyawe is probably exactly what he doesn’t need. Still can’t wait to learn more, but keep these Radomir chapters coming!
Also, interesting facts about the hugs. Now I am going to start counting the seconds. My family was not into hugging at all, the only hugs I got were from my one grandma (who had to chase me down) and from boys. Recipe for disaster there. I suppose I should be glad I didn’t grow up to be a gay steward. I think that’s one of the things that appeals to me so much about Alred, he is so physically affectionate. His kids must have the stuffing nearly squeezed out of them by now.
*virtual-squishy-smooshy-hugs Cassie*
*Sends another squashy virtual hug Cassie’s way*. Awww we could have a virtual big group hug *holds arms out hopefully* anyone?
Poor Radomir… I don’t think anyone has ever really asked him what was wrong. He’s been to confession and stuff before but it is not really the same thing and he has never confessed all of this. I don’t know if at another time if Lyiss had asked him what was wrong he would have said all this, but he is quite shaken from what just happened and totally vulnerable. And once he started out it was a bit like the floodgates opening and it all just came pouring out.
That second hugging picture… ack… it breaks my little heart.
I think Radomir is only just realising that he is not himself when he is angry… that he does have another side of him that he had buried so deep behind defensive reactions that it was almost obliterated. I feel bad for the guy… he has been really going out on a limb with Valeriya hoping he wouldn’t fall, opening himself up to getting hurt really badly.
There definitely seems to be some chemistry between these two, though I already thought that in the hallway scene in Radomir frightens a deer. Definitely something awkward going on there anyway. What is going to happen? I don’t know! but it is exciting having all these possibilities. I will just head were the story decides to take me
Yes! Maybe Gay steward is not so gay after all (chapter coming soon… really I promise) we shall soon see.
I knew it, knew it, knew it!! I knew that you would make me pity him again. I applaud you, Verity.
I still want Lyiss with Kelgar, but this is interesting. If you’ve seen Gone With the Wind, Lyiss and Radomir sort of remind me of Melanie and Rhett. She always saw the good in everyone, even him, no matter what he told her (like when he blamed himself for Scarlett’s miscarriage) and he always respected her above every person he ever met, though never had romantic intentions. It would be cool if Lyiss could be that girl for him.
Thanks Karen
I actually haven’t seen or read Gone with the Wind *hides face in shame*. It is on my list of things to do but somehow I haven’t gotten round to it yet. I will though. I really will.
I agree with Lothere I thought they were going to do it right there in the hay…
I’m in favor of Lyiss being with Radomir
I can see why it made you so emotional, Verity! That was fantastic. Who could possibly be more fitting to comfort Radomir than Lyiss? I don’t see any relationship there, though. He’d beat her silly like Valeriya once he got his ‘sense’ back. It was nice to see that he isn’t a complete bastard and is capable of actual remorse. Unfortunately, I don’t think that’s gonna save him from whatever comes next. Attitude adjustment is needed in a big way to save his big butt.
It was such an odd moment for both of them I think Devin. They are both so emotionally stunted. I wasn’t sure where it was going to lead either. I had only planned for Lyiss to be the one to find him, but then this kind of grew out of it.
Thanks Mao
I think Lyiss is perhaps one of the only characters who could comfort Radomir. I am glad to see he is capable of a bit of remorse too. I hate to think of him as a big one-sided brute.