Radomir is noticed
They sat in silence as always. She never looking at him and he with his eyes fixed on her in the hope that she would. That was the way it was.
It was approaching midsummer and the days had grown long and unbearably warm. Valeriya lay atop the sheets, her thin nightdress clinging to her wasted body, like strands of a cocoon wrapping round her lethargic limbs.
Her once curvaceous body had been reduced slowly these past months of illness until she was now all drooping angular limbs. Radomir still thought her exquisitely beautiful, though he would have never dared to tell her so. Her translucent skin, tinged bluish by the veins that pumped exhausted just beneath the surface. The freckles gently sprinkled over the pale skin of her nose and cheeks. He had never really thought them ugly though he had told her so many times for reasons he himself did not quite understand. Her melancholy mouth, swollen like a ripe plum so that he longed to bite into it with his teeth and feel the supple skin split between them. Even the dark shadows around her eyes were beautiful.
He had been told she was improving but it was hard to tell. It was almost as though she had gone to some other place, leaving the rest of them behind to gaze at her with concern from a distance. But then, he had never been in the same place as her really.
Her hands rested protectively over her emaciated body, moving slowly up and down as she breathed, her slender fingers trembling with each exertion.
He gazed down at his own massive hands resting awkwardly on his lap. He had never been quite at ease with those hands, grasping clumsily throughout his life at things he wanted, but never managing to quite hold on to them without crushing them.
If only she would look at him! But no, she was gazing dully at the ceiling. Her grey eyes were glazed, her thoughts flitting elsewhere. Would she never think of him? He was sitting right here in the room with her but she did not even seem to notice.
His meaty hands clenched involuntarily in his lap, the strong fingers curling inwards. He had a dreadful longing to drive those fists into the the fragile structures of her face. Then she would notice him. He could feel the blood pounding in his temples, and out towards the powerful fingers, the knuckles turning white as it was trapped in the ends of his fingers. They throbbed and ached as his fingernails made rows of red crescent marks on the softer insides of his hands.
He could force her to do as he wanted with his fists and his strength. He could throw her frail body this way and that, pin her to the bed and thrust himself into her until she cried out and he finally had something from her. Then she would notice him.
He choked back an unwarranted sob. He could do as he wanted, it did not matter. She would never love him. He could hold her in his meaty hands, crushing and crushing until her fragile wings were broken and she would never fly again. He could hold her shattered body, press her against his desperate heart until she was nothing but a mess of mashed up limbs and flesh. And still she would not love him. There was no one in this godforsaken world that ever really had.
He carefully uncurled his fingers and placed his hands flat on his thighs, pressing down hard until the throbbing subsided. He was ashamed of what he had thought, ashamed of what he had done. And there was no way to ever make it right again. He was frightened, frightened of what he still could do.
“Radomir…”, she murmured, barely moving her lips as the word hissed painfully against her lips.
She said it so softly and did not turn to look at him, so he worried that he was hearing things now. But his heart gave a thrill just to hear his name on her lips. It had been so very long.
“Yes my love?”, he replied as gently as he could manage with his deep, rasping voice.
He was not accustomed to gentleness, but to shouting and rage and anger. It was hard for him to know how to be.
“Would you please get me some water”, she sighed her eyes never turning on him.
“Oh yes… of course! You must be very thirsty. I will go at once my love. You just wait here. I will be back in no time at all”.
He launched himself hurriedly from his chair, not quite able to suppress his smile, even thought she would not have seen it anyway. She had noticed him. She had even spoken to him.
He could have taken what he wanted. He could have forced her to do as he wished and fooled himself that it was her choice.
But at this moment the thing he most wanted of all was to bring her water.
She did not look up as he left the room.
No matter what ya do, I still won’t feel for Radomir. Mostly because I have a character almost exactly like him who still manages not to willingly beat his love/wife (though he does accidentally hurt her). Radomir is an angry, angry fellow. Quite frightening, really. I wish someone would get him away from Valeriya. He’s just… dangerous. I think he realizes that, too. One of these days they’re going to go in there and Valeriya will be beaten to a pulp.
I don’t mean to say I can’t see the methodology behind Radomir, I just can’t really feel sympathetic or sorry for him. If I was Valeriya he’d be six feet under with a shovel lodged in his damn skull, lol. I was raised by aggressive and dominating women. That just wouldn’t fly.
Very well-written entry, though. I loved the details.
Thanks Mao
. He is a very angry person and it is obviously very difficult for him to control that. He is trying though… I know it won’t redeem him but I am kind of happy to find out he has another side to him too. I wasn’t expecting it to be honest, but he has developed that way.
If the situation were different, perhaps Radomir could find comfort talking to the priest.
My new favorite chapter! I don’t know what it is about Radomir but I am just adoring him. Sorry Mao! I probably wouldn’t last an hour with him since I would fight back until he was forced to kill me, but I am not the sort of woman he would love anyway I think.
He wants love! He wants to be loved! He just hasn’t been taught the words or gestures needed to express it. All he has is the language of anger. And he’s so vulnerable… he has just been granted a body of such strength that he has nothing to fear from anything he can pummel.
So, yes, obviously there are guys who had the same sort of upbringing as Radomir, and who have the same temper and desire to smash things, and who can control themselves. So maybe Radomir is lacking the safety pin that other men are equipped with, I don’t know. If we hadn’t ever been allowed to look inside his head, he would have seemed a monster, but since we have he is so tragically human.
I can’t believe I sat on this chapter for two days before making time to read it.
Verity, this was beautifully written. Maybe this is just the type of writing and type of character that speaks to me, since I have my own character who is scared shitless about not being able to use his usual tactics of torture and terror to get a girl to love him, but I thought this was the best study of character you have done yet. Going from his helpless love, to his desire to smash things into submission, to his fear at being unable even to get a reaction, to his childish glee over being simply asked to get her a drink of water, over simply hearing his name spoken on her mouth… (Speaking of which the part about biting her lips was oooh so creepy-good.)
Also, how could you not like shadows on that craggy face! He is oooh so ugly-hot!
And good job at making lovely Valeriya look like hell! She makes Isaura look peachy!
Lisa… I was totally thinking that too. He really does need to talk to a priest but he would never go to Harndall after finding his wife with him. He doesn’t really know what went on but he hates the man for just being in the vicinity of her in some sort of significant way.
I am really glad you liked it Lothere! I had to think for ages about how I wanted to do this and I am still so stuck on what to do with these guys. But I was really happy with the way the chapter turned out. Radomir is so interesting to write. He just is tortured and sad and angry and everything!
You should have seen the shadows before I redid them using non-borken lights though! They were beyond ugly-hot (they actually have a word for that in Swedish, fulsnygg which means attractively ugly which I think is so cool… that is something that really needs a word of its own). I will put up a pic when I get a chance so you can see.
Well that was the most amazing chapter I’ve read so far! Great job Verity!
I have to agree with Mao though, and a little with Lothere. Yeah I get that he has daddy/mommy issues and it makes him want to destroy but unless he can get that under control, then he needs to stay away from Valerie. I loved seeing inside his head though and its sad to see his struggle. I’m glad he overcame it though I wonder if he will be able to do so in the future?
I’m glad she asked something from him though, just to ease his pain a little bit. And I’m glad that he calmed down BEFORE she asked him and not because she asked him. That shows he’s learning some control on his own and isn’t dependent totally on what she does. I don’t know what would be best for these two in the future. I think they have a VERY LONG way to go if its ever going to work. And it would have to be VERY SLOW going. I am interested to see what develops.
Thanks Tiana! I am so amazed by everyone’s responses to this chapter. I was pleased when I wrote it but I wasn’t expecting such an amazing reaction from everyone. These moments make it really worthwhile writing this story
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They do have a really long way to go and I am not sure exactly what I am going to do with this yet. I have this one idea and it is coming to point where I have to make a decision about it really soon. But omg it will mess things up something savage and I’m not sure if it is what I want. I don’t know what is going to happen. I’m sure Radomir and Valeriya will let me know what direction to go in anyway though, they always have before, Valeriya in particular is one of my most independent sims… she never does what I expect or want
Don’t you dare let Harndall and Valeriya get together, Verity. *glares*
That is so Tiana up above. *sighs* Usually a fount of hellfire and tarnation, and then occasionally when I myself get carried away she shows up and gives some rational, measured, thoughtful argument and makes me look all OMG PERV HOTTIE VIOLENT SEXY *pant*
Hehe… yes that is true… you never know quite what to expect with Tiana
My immediate plan didn’t involve Harndall and Valeriya getting together… it is something rather a little more complicated and something I have been thinking about for months and months but I have to make a decision in a few chapters.
OK I admit I am intrigued, but you must still *try* to get Valeriya and Radomir together. Even if one perishes in the other arms, à la fairy tale à la Gwynn, he or she must expend his last breath declaring his or her undying love.
And either way, keep us posted if you decide to go through with your complicated idea or not. I am curious as a writer. I have found that if I have an idea I am thinking about for months and months, it is pointless to try *not* to do it. Sometimes the story tells you where it wants to go.