Valeriya listens
As she walked down the hallway Valeriya could not settle her troubled mind. She had been sitting in the chapel for most of the day but once again, Father Harndall had not been there. She had not seen him since Sister Mella had disappeared. The candles in the ship’s chapel had burnt down to stubs and dust coated the altar table. There had been no sermon these last few weeks, and the people were frightened.
She was worried too. Father Harndall had always been for her a pillar of strength, a light shining brightly in the darkness when she feared she would be lost forever. Now it seemed he to had fallen into shadows and was groping blindly, his hands reached out in front of him, desperately fumbling for someone to guide him out. She wished she could be that person for him but she did not know whether she had the strength. She knew teetered on the edge of the abyss too, fearing that if she reached out and grasped those hands she too would be lost forever in the inky blackness below.
She was so caught up in her thoughts she did not notice the door clicking open to her right. A bulky figure rushed out, colliding with her in the cramped hallway, so the she screamed in fright. The other person gasped, and she turned to see the hated face of her husband, Radomir, who seemed as shocked as she.
He looked at her with something like terror playing upon his face. As she stared at him she noticed a large purplish bruise surrounding his left eye which was swollen almost shut. His cheek was a bloodied mess, tatters of scabbing skin forming a patchwork over it. She gazed at it in fascination, disturbed to see her husband in this state, but with an unpleasant feeling rising in her. She was horrified to realise that despite her months of repentance, her prayers for forgiveness, she felt something very close to a mad kind of joy to see his face, mashed and bruised.
They stood in the close confines of the hallway, so near that she could hear his ragged breath whistling through his teeth. He was panting, looking at her as a dog looks up at his master who is beating him with a stick, pain and fear mingled with misplaced love.
An unbidden feeling of guilt rose in her, a sour taste in her mouth.
“What happened to you Radomir?” she asked softly, startled by the gentle tone of her voice.
He clutched at his chest, his haunted eyes wide. She felt a chill of fear as she stood before the frame of this once powerful man, who looked at her now like a frightened child, desperate for comfort. Her emotions were muddled, a pile of ropes tangled into such a knot that it was impossible to decipher what she felt.
“I…”, he choked back a sob,”I… he… God is punishing me for my sins”.
He hung his shaking head and she was shocked to hear the words she had so often repeated in her own head, spilling forth from the mouth that had tormented her so many nights.
She stared at him, unable to speak as they stood so close that he could have reached forward and pulled her, struggling to his chest. He did not, he merely stood there, his body trembling, his grey eyes on hers. She could not move, held fast by that gaze, her heart pounding in her chest, bile rising in her throat.
“I…”, he took a deep ragged breath, “I… Valeriya… “.
Her name on his lips sounded wrong as it always had. Although the venom was gone out of his voice, it still seemed blasphemous for him to speak that word, her own name. She had always preferred for him to call her a bitch, or whore, rather than to hear the way it slid off his tongue. She swallowed, terrified of what he would say next.
“Valeriya”, he repeated what he had said, “I… I am sorry”.
She felt as though he had slapped her on the face, the sting of his words resounding in her ears. She could not even look at him. The world was turning black at the corners and her stomach was churning so that she longed to empty it over the side of the boat, into the cool, blackness below.
He turned away and stumbled back into his room, the door shutting firmly behind him
She stared at the closing door, unable to move, listening to the muffled sobbing coming from behind it.









































































































