Lochan carefully opened the door and walked into the room as quietly as he could. He knew that Isaura was unwell again today and he did not want to disturb her. But she was awake, hands clutching her wasted stomach protectively, an expression on her face bordering on desperation.

He knew what this meant and he began to steel himself for the conversation that would follow. He must be strong for her, she could not be for herself. He stood by the bed.

“Hello my darling”, he said with as much compassion in his voice as he could muster.

He was a dried out husk. It was so hard for him to pull all the pieces together into a support structure. He felt as though the slightest breeze would scatter these remains of his being, and there would be nothing.

She did not acknowledge his presence but only stared straight ahead as though noone had spoken.

He turned so that she would not see his face. It still pierced his heart every time he gazed at her withered frame, the sunken hollows of her eyes and her lank hair. She was still beautiful to him, almost ethereal now, her skin so translucent that fine blue veins were visible at her temples and across her breast.

“May I lie with you for a while?”

She did not respond, but she did not object so he sat carefully on the bed, taking all the weight on his knees until he had settled so as not to disturb her by moving the bed more than was necessary.

They lay side by side, both staring fixedly ahead. Neither spoke for a long time. Lochan thought he should be content that he could still hear the faint sound of her breathing, reassuring him that she was still with him, but he was not. He wanted so much more.

He turned to her, “Isaura my love, was there something you were wanting to tell me?”

She did not reply, only stared. It seemed to Lochan that she stared past the walls of the ship’s cabin and beyond, to something he was not able to see. It unnerved him greatly.

“Isaura…”, he whispered, desperate to break this suffocating silence that threatened to drown him, “Isaura, I know. I can see the signs. You have not bled for two months now. Please talk to me.”

She sighed, a sound that reminded him of the hollow wind whispering between the graves in the cemetery where he had played as a child.

“You are right Lochan, I am bearing another child”, her voice caught in her throat, and his heart cried out in pity for her and for himself.

He gently wrapped an arm around her frail shoulders.

“But Isaura, this is a wonderful thing, should you not be happy?”, he tried to sound as convincing as possibly even though he felt his mouth was full of ashes.

“It will be different this time, you have been eating a lot more, and getting more fresh air, and there has not been the stress of an impending war. You do not have to do anything here but sit around and grow fat and happy, and you will”, he wished he could believe it himself but he did not and he felt sure she must realise.

To his surprise he noticed a wan smile move across her tired face. Oh how he missed her smile from days gone by, the beatific look upon her face right before he kissed her. He softly nuzzled her ear.

“Perhaps you are right”, she sighed again, “And even if you aren’t, we can play pretend for a while can we not?”

This struck him right to the core and his heart flipped uncomfortably in his chest, like the death throes of some nightmarish fish. When they had first met, they had spoken almost constantly of their future life together and had pretended they were already married. They had sat side by side in the beautiful castle gardens and shut their eyes tightly to imagine the future that lay before them. Their dreams had been so different from the reality they were now living.

“Close your eyes Lochan”.

He closed them very tightly, tighter than ever before, because he feared if he didn’t the tears would spill forth and he would not be able to stop them. He was the strong one. He had to be.

And he imagined a life for them, a happier life where Isaura was well again and the halls rang with the laughter of little children and the patter of tiny feet. There was still something there among the dust, a tiny speck of hope that could not be suppressed and he clung to it fiercely with both hands, in fear that if he let it go his humanity would be lost forever.

Still keeping his eyes firmly shut he found Isaura’s mouth with his and kissed her very gently. His hand was on her back but it was resting so lightly he was barely touching her, as though afraid he would break this fragile creature who had so entirely consumed his heart.

Her kiss back was not gentle and suddenly he was seized with a wild exhaltation that teetered on the brink of hysteria, and he kissed her hard and squeezed her tightly, clinging to her with all his might and both his hands.